Cambridge Noir

As my hands scrabbled along the bookshelf, I realised the...

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:50:10 +0100

As my hands scrabbled along the bookshelf, I realised the drugged sherry was taking its toll. The Seventh Scroll of the Horse Proctor was going to slip through fingers once again.

Eventually a Vice Chancellor with a sense of history has to ask...

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:30:32 +0100

Eventually a Vice Chancellor with a sense of history has to ask the eternal question of university management. Who would my predecessors have killed by now?

While the exam results had been taken down outside the Senate...

Fri, 17 May 2013 07:17:02 +0100

While the exam results had been taken down outside the Senate House, the blood stains were proving harder to shift …

Of course, on graduation days summary execution for walking on...

Thu, 16 May 2013 08:30:08 +0100

Of course, on graduation days summary execution for walking on the grass was prohibited. But he could wait.

The Proctor was always surprised at how easy it was to lure...

Wed, 15 May 2013 09:50:31 +0100

The Proctor was always surprised at how easy it was to lure tourists into the black portal.

Once you’ve dipped a body in concrete, Cambridge offers a...

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:03:35 +0100

Once you’ve dipped a body in concrete, Cambridge offers a suprising number of places to conceal it.

The church looked to constitute about a quarter cathedral;...

Mon, 13 May 2013 08:30:35 +0100

The church looked to constitute about a quarter cathedral; which, of course, is also Cambridge slang for a £250 bribe.

In Cambridge, steeplechase normally refers to flight across a...

Fri, 10 May 2013 19:46:50 +0100

In Cambridge, steeplechase normally refers to flight across a church roof. I’d like to claim pursuit by homicidal clergy was optional …

Of course, it wasn’t King George who was buried there...

Thu, 09 May 2013 08:30:16 +0100

Of course, it wasn’t King George who was buried there …

Webster once made a big deal about death having a lot of doors...

Wed, 08 May 2013 08:30:21 +0100

Webster once made a big deal about death having a lot of doors for men to take their exits, and most of them so curious they opened both ways. I was setting off for a College where E staircase alone would have blown old Webster’s eyebrows right off …

Spring in Cambridge! When one finds beer in beer gardens, narrow...

Tue, 07 May 2013 11:35:54 +0100

Spring in Cambridge! When one finds beer in beer gardens, narrow boats upon the river, and daggers sprouting from academic spines with all the profusion of Parker’s Piece daffodils.

The engine was still warm. The Wilsey Chair of Divinity...

Mon, 06 May 2013 11:27:45 +0100

The engine was still warm. The Wilsey Chair of Divinity couldn’t have gotten far …

A storm was gathering over the darkened streets of Cambridge,...

Fri, 03 May 2013 08:30:21 +0100

A storm was gathering over the darkened streets of Cambridge, and once again I suspected I would require more than an umbrella to weather it.

Traditionally, on the first sunny day of the Cambridge Spring,...

Thu, 02 May 2013 08:30:23 +0100

Traditionally, on the first sunny day of the Cambridge Spring, the boat clubs gather to erect a few whipping posts and sharpen flensing knives.

Despite it being a rare sunny day down by the old Mill Pond, my...

Wed, 01 May 2013 08:30:17 +0100

Despite it being a rare sunny day down by the old Mill Pond, my mood was as bitter as the half-pint before me …

And once again, spring had sprung about my ankles like a man...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:30:55 +0100

And once again, spring had sprung about my ankles like a man trap.

It’s a good morning in Cambridge when only lanterns are...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:46:00 +0100

It’s a good morning in Cambridge when only lanterns are found hanging above the streets.

While charming advice, in Cambridge I tend to find the first...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 08:30:27 +0100

While charming advice, in Cambridge I tend to find the first difficult, the second vital and the third next to impossible …

The spires of Cambridge loomed through the mist like the spars...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 08:23:43 +0100

The spires of Cambridge loomed through the mist like the spars of wrecked ships …

This was going to be tough. The Inter-Collegiate Assessment...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 08:30:32 +0100

This was going to be tough. The Inter-Collegiate Assessment Board had tightened security quite a bit since the 2008 “enhanced examination techniques” scandal.