Cambridge Noir

Excerpts from the film noir crime-comedy-thriller I will never direct ...

Jul 25
Sure, in  gumshoe school they teach you shimmying up a drainpipe. They never warn you, though, about the days you’ll have to shimmy up an ivy covered drainpipe…

Sure, in gumshoe school they teach you shimmying up a drainpipe. They never warn you, though, about the days you’ll have to shimmy up an ivy covered drainpipe…


Jul 24
I look back over my shoulder. My escape hadn’t been a lucky break, I always check that there is an open window before confronting a potential gunwielding bibliophile.

I look back over my shoulder. My escape hadn’t been a lucky break, I always check that there is an open window before confronting a potential gunwielding bibliophile.


Jul 22
Cambridge, a town where it’s easy to imagine someone waiting by the cottage door. Because someone normally is. And they usually have an axe.

Cambridge, a town where it’s easy to imagine someone waiting by the cottage door. Because someone normally is. And they usually have an axe.


Jul 17
The torporous heat and golden summer light oozed across Cambridge in a thick treacle-toned haze …

The torporous heat and golden summer light oozed across Cambridge in a thick treacle-toned haze …


Jul 16
When you need to lie low in the tall grass, best to do it with a pint glass in hand …

When you need to lie low in the tall grass, best to do it with a pint glass in hand …


Jul 15
I’d set up the meet for a little wine bar I liked. If I was walking into a trap it’d be with a decent viognier in hand …

I’d set up the meet for a little wine bar I liked. If I was walking into a trap it’d be with a decent viognier in hand …


Jul 14
The college brickwork stretched above me, like a crazy paved highway leading to a bleak iron sky…

The college brickwork stretched above me, like a crazy paved highway leading to a bleak iron sky…


Jul 10
Cambridge: a town so crooked a straight alley is positively alarming, especially in King’s College Archers territory …

Cambridge: a town so crooked a straight alley is positively alarming, especially in King’s College Archers territory …


Jul 8
I crouched in the alley, steeling myself. I just had to make the dash across the street to the doorway before a marauding pack of librarians caught my scent …

I crouched in the alley, steeling myself. I just had to make the dash across the street to the doorway before a marauding pack of librarians caught my scent …


Jul 7
In Cambridge, even when it is centuries old carved stone heraldry – every rose has its thorn.

In Cambridge, even when it is centuries old carved stone heraldry – every rose has its thorn.


Jul 2
It was a fine Cambridge day, as full of light and free of malice as the heart of an examiner is full of darkness and spite …

It was a fine Cambridge day, as full of light and free of malice as the heart of an examiner is full of darkness and spite …


Jul 1
The Cam shimmered in the heat with all the beautiful blankness of the academic imagination…

The Cam shimmered in the heat with all the beautiful blankness of the academic imagination…


Jun 30
As I heard the porters engage the gate closing mechanism, I realised I was never going to make it to my backup escape bicycle in time …

As I heard the porters engage the gate closing mechanism, I realised I was never going to make it to my backup escape bicycle in time …


Jun 27
Finally, I had a gardener in my sights. Now I might get some answers …

Finally, I had a gardener in my sights. Now I might get some answers …


Jun 25
In some towns you never know what is around the corner. In Cambridge, even on the sunniest day, it’s usually a corpse.

In some towns you never know what is around the corner. In Cambridge, even on the sunniest day, it’s usually a corpse.


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