Cambridge Noir

Excerpts from the film noir crime-comedy-thriller I will never direct ...

Oct 20
Often in Cambridge it feels as if the walls are closing in. Sometimes, they are.

Often in Cambridge it feels as if the walls are closing in. Sometimes, they are.


Oct 9
St Bede’s The Infernal drew a strong congregation of resurrection men, Cthullians and night-desk librarians.

St Bede’s The Infernal drew a strong congregation of resurrection men, Cthullians and night-desk librarians.


Oct 8
No one ever wants to wake up with bad gravel rash and a pounding head in a railway siding but, in my wide experience, some are much worse than others. 

No one ever wants to wake up with bad gravel rash and a pounding head in a railway siding but, in my wide experience, some are much worse than others. 


Oct 7
In broad daylight the discreet removal from college of drunken dons or ancient blood drinking horrors always necessitated certain inconveniences.

In broad daylight the discreet removal from college of drunken dons or ancient blood drinking horrors always necessitated certain inconveniences.


Oct 6
Of course, it had been hidden where no Cambridge academic would look: on a lower shelf and behind discounted popular fiction.

Of course, it had been hidden where no Cambridge academic would look: on a lower shelf and behind discounted popular fiction.


Oct 2
In Cambridge, you can normally tell there is an ill wind blowing and a storm brewing when the Department of Augury and Climate Studies barricades its windows.

In Cambridge, you can normally tell there is an ill wind blowing and a storm brewing when the Department of Augury and Climate Studies barricades its windows.


Oct 1
"Hum," mused the chaplain, contemplating the Tree of Suicides. "I’m not sure the gardeners haven’t gone a bit light on containment fencing this year."

"Hum," mused the chaplain, contemplating the Tree of Suicides. "I’m not sure the gardeners haven’t gone a bit light on containment fencing this year."


Sep 30
I was increasingly uncertain how keen I was on visiting the library’s very special collections…

I was increasingly uncertain how keen I was on visiting the library’s very special collections…


Sep 26
Sometimes in Cambridge you come across the levers of power in the most unexpected of corners.

Sometimes in Cambridge you come across the levers of power in the most unexpected of corners.


Sep 25
Far too few people question the true purpose of the cage in the centre of the Cambridge market …

Far too few people question the true purpose of the cage in the centre of the Cambridge market …


Sep 23
Of course you can leave Cambridge, you just can’t escape.

Of course you can leave Cambridge, you just can’t escape.


Sep 22
I could feel the first grey skies of winter closing in over Cambridge. Obviously, as they followed the hundred odd grey days of both autumn and summer, it was a subtle shift.

I could feel the first grey skies of winter closing in over Cambridge. Obviously, as they followed the hundred odd grey days of both autumn and summer, it was a subtle shift.


Sep 19
Cambridge on a sunny day is a town to die for. Unfortunately, it’s also a town where sunny days are rare and death works all weathers …

Cambridge on a sunny day is a town to die for. Unfortunately, it’s also a town where sunny days are rare and death works all weathers …


Sep 18
Six Fingered Sam sucked in his breath. “A triple crowned gate,” he growled. “These normally take a student card or dynamite to open. Pity I’m fresh out of student cards …”

Six Fingered Sam sucked in his breath. “A triple crowned gate,” he growled. “These normally take a student card or dynamite to open. Pity I’m fresh out of student cards …”


Sep 16
When contemplating ram-raiding a heavily fortified library, it pays to pick the right tool for the job.

When contemplating ram-raiding a heavily fortified library, it pays to pick the right tool for the job.


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